APAPS 23.9: Shorn Sheep and Silves Snakes

Google Translate can be a misleading tool, if one is not careful. If in doubt, reverse the translation to check that the phrase you have been provided with is actually what you want to say.  Why do I tell you this? Well, the other day, Paul published a lengthy WhatsApp piece to the effect that APAPS is  primarily a breakfast club, with a casual walk thrown in. The highly dramatic seriousness of his tone caused Fabrizio, not unnaturally, to get in touch with me to ask if those who did not take breakfast were still welcome to walk. I replied "yes" and tried to explain that Paul was typically "taking the mickey" and to be absolutely clear, tried to put that into Italian. The first phrase that came up on Google Translate was "Prendendo il Tipolino." 

But somewhere in the back of my mind an alarm bell rang, so I reversed the process. And I found that Il Tipolino is the Italian version of Mickey Mouse. So, if I had told Fabrizio that Paul was "Taking the Mickey Mouse", he would have concluded that we are an even crazier group than he had at first thought.

The phrase I needed and did eventually use was "Prendendo in giro." There is another word "Sfottere" for "making fun of", which I didn´t use; it reminded me of that cultured sound that the cognoscenti make when they are swallowing spoonfuls of spaghetti.

But of course there are plenty of examples among us of those who do or have done APAPS walks and have not had breakfast or the Full English variety. The Belgian lady mountain dweller never had breakfast at all. The staunch pair of APAPS supporters from Lagos now apparently prefer to spend the season in the West of Scotland diving for scallops and fishing for sea trout; what they do for breakfast there is not known. The Hon. Member for Sargaçal, although by no means a vegetarian nor averse to a wee dram at times herself, is strictly TT when it comes to breakfast time; TT not as in Teetotal but as in Tomatoes on Toast. That immaculately clad gentleman usually seen wearing a panama hat, who does not walk at the moment but who religiously drops in to watch the rest of us us eat - feeding time at the zoo as it were -  never has eaten breakfast with us. And talking of zoos, I suppose that "menagerie" is a good-enough collective noun for a group of masseuses, and of course it is Paul himself who, four times out of five, does not turn up for breakfast because he prefers to patronise his menagerie of ladies who, if rumour be true, now number four, a Brit, a Kiwi, a Thai and possibly a Senegalese, all of whom inconveniently ply their trade only on Wednesday mornings.

So breakfast with us if you will, or if you can: you are welcome on the walks anyway.

A couple of dates for your diary:

- Wednesday 13th September, Salgados walk followed by A Full French Breakfast at Café Paradiso.

- Wednesday 20th September, APAPS season finale, walk and breakfast at Casa Esperança.

Enough of this preamble. Now for what you have all been waiting for - Yves´ description of last Wednesday´s walk. Over to Yves.

The day dawned bright and a bit cooler than it did of late. This was a relief to the joyous band of Walkers who gathered near some picnic tables, in hope rather than expectation; they were not surprised or disappointed when any anticipated feast was replaced by short, sharp orders: “Saddle up! Belt up! Follow the Leader!”

We did, past the Jail and its barbed wire, past the old ‘asbestos’ dwellings and up onto a dusty track. As there was very little wind, the flour-like dust hung in the air with wicked determination, long enough to turn a dark-blue horseless carriage into a sky-blue one, almost! The Leader did not notice or if he did, he did not seem to care as he impersonated Jimmy McRae in the RAC Rally…(We think his reference is to Colin McRae, a Scottish rally driver who was World Rally Champion in 1995:Ed.)

Waiting for the rest to catch up.

The Starters: Myriam, Yves, Danielle, Maria, JohnH, Hazel, Samantha, Fabrizio, Tanja.

In no time, we reached the starting point and the ritual scrambling for positions took place: once most had found their place and offered their profile to the camera, the Leader allowed some eager Walkers to go up the hill before recalling them and making off down the hill… Contrary old soul!

The route that had been selected was well-known once the initial ‘We’re the Kinalawi Tribe’ doubts were dispelled. (Unknown reference. Ed.)

 Ups and downs aplenty, with just as many lefts and rights and once on the ridge the gratification of a magnificent sunrise over the hills! Brown and green vegetation rising on slopes towards a deepening blue sky resting gently on the golden glow of the sun’s rays from the East…

 Even older hands who have seen such things before had to stop and stare in wonderment; some were actually catching their breath but they did not let on; they couldn’t.

We skirted past a dreadfully steep track leading to a trig-point: 

"You cannot be serious!"

offers to picture the youngest member of the party up the beacon were gently turned down; next time? To think that such climbs were the highlight, nay, the aim of our outings in years past…

We did it in the past (Archive: 12.05.21)......

......but this time, Fabrizio exercised his right of veto.

On we went with a spring in the step ‘andante con brio ma non tropo!’ towards a clump of trees shading a stone circle where sheep had been gathered for shearing; evidence of their nervousness was ample but dry-ish, thankfully. 

Quite why the wool shorn off the poor things was left on the ground is unclear: there seemed to be enough to weave several kilts in the McRae tartan [Motoring Editor’s note: ‘One drives faster when toes, knees and things’ movements are unrestricted!’]

Could the answer to that riddle be provided by the discovery a few steps further of a deceased Silves Python? Not very big, it was; not very threatening, it was; but ded, D.E.D. Ded! It was! 

Some ants were pondering how to lift the cadaver home; we left them to it: the task would probably involve a lot of heaving and tugging over a long period: no time for that! We surmised that the sheep may have been scared initially but some formed a ‘Woolly-backs’ Resistance Organisation’ and stampeded over the hapless python: 127 against 1 was always a losing battle; the python should have made a run for it!

At that juncture, some amazing feats of memory happen: now, over what must be in excess of 150 collective years (number of calendar years x number of Walkers), a very large number of photographs have been taken by many snappers,

YF Pictorials  - 16.09.2020

 YET one walker remembered a window ledge and some old glass bottles, while the leader recalled a storm cloud towering over green hill-sides and pint-pointed the exact spot from where the picture was taken!

YF Pictorials  - 1.04 2020

Remarkable! You will agree?
A telegram has been sent to Norris McWhirter ( Co-founder of Guinness World Records: Ed.)and he might – or might not - despatch an observer for the next such occurrence. Watch this space…

A reward for the photographer

By now, the Leader was consulting his hand-wound clepsydra earnestly and looking quite concerned: we were ahead of schedule, so he reduced the tempo to ‘adagio, ma non tropo!’

Still, younger legs in the troop were extending their stride despite repeated pleas of ‘Chi va piano va sano e quasi lontano’ from the Leader.
Times must be respected and the Leader was not to be denied: we came within sight of the parked cars, tantalisingly close.

The cars were tantalisingly close

but the Leader said "No !"

 but he turned away and led the troop to a shed adjacent to a post-moorish helipad-like structure leading to a half-bridge to keep invaders at bay –still with me? Photos were taken but no-one volunteered to demonstrate their ‘Saut de l’Ange’ diving expertise; never mind.

Back at the cars, the party split: a full-English breakfast may be too much for some early-ish in the morning; they wished us ‘Arivederci!’ and left.

The Track and the Statistics.

Scarcely 6 kms !

Uphill speeds not bad, and faster than downhill speeds.  - unusual

It was their loss, sadly, as the cook of Mira Rio Café produced plates of perfectly fried eggs, tomatoes and bacon: ‘al dente, ma non tropo!’

We were joined at the café by Paul, and by Rod who is looking forward to some hospital procedure with resigned enthusiasm: we all wish him well! Courage, mon ami!

Triumph: Maria is served first !

Yves, by the thickness of a rasher of bacon, LAST ! 

Previously, a couple of Walkers had observed a small nest in the lee of two branches of a pine tree. They approached it surreptitiously away from the gaze of the troop and other nosey beggars: LO! The nest contained the shells of not one but TWO occupants now long gone, but not very far!
A picture was taken and sent by snail-mail to the Malacology Department of the Portimao Institute of Known Things; we hope to receive more information when the sluggards start working again, soon; they might lettuce know before the Caracois Season starts again?

Rarissime Algarve Snail´s Nest

You read it all here first, folks!

Time for a rest in a darkened room with a Sagres, or two… Be good!

Thanks, Yves. Conversation during breakfast was wide ranging. Myriam (who unfortunately has stopped taking photographs during the meals) tried her best to get people to chose which of the main European languages is spoken the fastest. I don´t know if she succeeded. 

Paul and Tanja endeavoured to find out which is the longest ever German word, and Paul also debated with himself whether or not to buy the latest wrist-watch camera.

And cultural differences regarding kissing were examined (because of Spain´s recent brouhaha) and Rod reminisced about French kissing, apparently all the rage when he was young.

I hope that the last two breakfast walks 13th and 20th September will be well attended by breakfasteers. Hazel will be sending out notes about the grand finale on the 20th in due course.

And a gentle reminder that World Rugby Cup chat should not be on APAPS  2023 please, but on WAGS Sports Extra. Apply to Paul if you wish to join. Among teams taking part are France, Italy, Scotland and Portugal.....oh! and England too.