APAPS 2017: A Farewell To Legs

Don´t worry, I am not attempting to write a sequel to “A Farewell To Arms” (Ernest Hemingway, 1929),  nor to imitate his lapidary prose style. (Some people do think his writing has gemstone-like qualities; I think it just clunks, like common or garden stone.).

No. I am merely doing a summary of our summer season activities, but if you have an aversion to yet more bovine excrement, to borrow Rod´s phraseology, or if your doctor has warned you for the good of your health not to look at repeated pictures of legs, a lot of them barely clad, or if statistics simply bore you stiff, SWITCH OFF NOW.

I had also thought of “Goodbye To All That”  (Robert Graves, also 1929) as a  title for this blog, because the mood of despair and resignation in that book, brought on by the futility of the British Army´s First World War efforts, matches my despondency when I look back at the failure of our Tiller Girls leg routines to reach perfection in 2017. So much effort and sacrifice, to what end?

Historically, the APAPS Starter photos have always featured legs. From small beginnings, with both feet firmly on the ground…………………………

                                                                                                       29th July 2014

they blossomed:-

                                                                                                          27th August 2014

and blossomed, even although a black-trousered interloper tried to disrupt things…………….

                                                                                                    15th July 2015

a growing belief in one´s ability to balance on one leg could be seen, feet and knees moving as one……………………………..

                                                                                                          22nd July 2015

The following year, some of the old hands remembered what was required although one or two were a bit slow to catch on……………

                                                                                         13th July 2016

but even at this stage, some of the old grumps were beginning to stand on their dignity and both feet…………………

                                                                                  10th August 2016

Nevertheless,signs of discipline began to emerge, women only demonstrating commendable synchronisation……………….

                                                                                             31st August 2016

So when the 2017 season opened, I was fairly hopeful that real progress would be made, especially when someone who claimed to be a teacher of choreography as well as a peripatetic philosopher was engaged to train the team. Initial results were quite promising. The old grumps were out of the picture, the dogs knew their place…………….

                                                                             5th July 2017

and the criteria of perfection were clearly set out………………………

and even newcomers were quick to enter into the spirit of the thing………………..

                                                                                                12th July 2017

We even had a small competition…..

which Yves won convincingly, to universal acclaim; and, even when we were without a teacher, things were certainly beginning to look pretty good……………………

                                                                                                            19th July 2017

That last one may have been the best; even Ember was starting to get the hang of it. Standards were maintained under a stand-in choreographer……………………….

                                                                                       9th August 2017

But then things began to unravel. The rot set in when the official choreographer came back from an overseas jaunt infected with new-fangled, continental ideas. Discipline vanished; furniture was introduced as if we were putting on a cabaret show and needed stage props. Alien and conflicting philosophies began to muddy the waters and confushe the ishue; reft was mishtaken for light and vice-versa…………

                                                                                                      23rd August 2017

Confuscia reigned. The next week, arms were waved in the air,  à la fandango. The focus on legs alone was lost………….

                                                                      30th August 2017

The decline was swift and, by the end, all semblance of balance and co-ordination had evaporated, with lady members even resorting to clutching each other´s thighs for support and with geriatrics requiring the backing of scaffolding so as to remain upright. Sascha couldn´t bear to look………..

                                                                                                  6th September 2017

The dream had truly faded. The old grumpies can consider themselves fortunate to be well out of it.

.Ah well, “Good-bye to all that” indeed.

Next year, “to fresh Woods, and Postures new.”

(with apologies to Milton.)

And now, dismissing melancholy, to some statistics, including a very unscientific guesstimate of our breakfast consumption.

Unfortunately, the egg statistic could not be analysed further to show the percentage of fried eggs that managed to reach the plate unbroken.

We walked longer and climbed higher than in the previous year, but that´s probably because we did 12 APAPS this year as opposed to only 9 last year. There is some satisfaction to be gained from the fact that we climbed the equivalent of Ben Nevis 2.4 times, or roughly one third of the way up Mount Everest.

“The rest is silence.”