APAPS 2017: Legs Competition Winner

This was the picture on which the competion was set.

The rules were straightforward:

Identify the owners of each of the sets of legs, in the right to left sequence, and add a witty or erudite comment to each of the identifications. The administrator´s decisions on entries and interpretations of the rules to be unchallengeable.

The prize. a free APAPS breakfast.

This was the top half of the picture.

It all seemed simple enough. There were five entries; all five entrants identified seven of the eight owners of the legs;  but none got the eighth. The crucial wording in the small print was not “pairs of legs”, which would have ruled out non-bi-peds, but the less-to-be-expected wording of “sets of legs”. The eighth owner is Java, to be seen behind Ingrid. 5 bonus points were there on offer for anyone who identified Java as an owner, but they went begging.

One competitor listed the names left to right instead of right to left, thereby winning only 1 plus point for correct identifiction of Ingrid in the middle, but being crippled with 6 minus points for the wrong out-of-order identifications. The erudition shown in his comments was remarkable – particularly apt pictorially was his reference to a great Latin American footballer of yesteryear – but even so that was not enough to get him out of negative territory. Never mind, Alan Davies, the undoubted star of the quiz show QI, almost invariably comes last with scores well into the minuses.

I had to disqualify one lady competitor on the grounds that I couldn´t possibly award her the prize. She holds firm to the principle of “what is hers is hers and what is mine is hers” and so she gets a free breakfast every week come what may. And another lady entrant fell out of contention because her comment, brilliantly witty though it was, was just that single comment and she didn´t accumulate enough points.

This reduced the field to Janet and Yves, with everything hanging on the scores for comment. Janet´s comments were pithy rather than witty; one that particularly caught the eye for sheer chutzpah was her comment on herself “perfect in every way.”  But then, I thought, she doesn´t like the fry- ups we have for breakfast any way and so she would probably have had to nominate me to eat it on her behalf which would rather have negated the whole purpose of the quiz.

But Yves´comments avoided the didactic, contained sufficient Gallic (not Belgique) esprit  to provoke the occasional smile, and provided enough esoteric matériel ( “Daisy Duke hot-pants” ) to cause one to scratch one´s head and wonder “where does he get that from?”. And so Yves pips Janet by a short beard. (He had teetered on the edge of nominating a dog as one of the owners but failed to bite the bullet. If he had done so correctly, he would have won at a canter.)

I am sure that he will chew on the award philosophically. 

                                                                                The APAPS  2017 8 Chorus Line

APAPS 2017 no.9: The Philosopher´s Revenge

Come 7 am , there were only four of us ready at the Start. Admittedly, the walk had been advertised as having an ascent of only 250 metres, but I hadn´t expected that slight relaxation in rigour to deter so many people. But  we shrugged off the initial disappointment at the poor turn-out  and took a normal Starters picture at 7.01 precisely.

But then a group of late arrivals came straggling up the road from Pára e Fica and , of course, all the arrangements for a traditional Chorus Line photo shoot had to be gone through. M. le Principle Chorégraphe, back from his Alpine vacation, even laid on a chair for two of the more fragile ladies, one of whom, Confuschia, showing her disdain for running dog cultural revisionist tendencies by velly deribelatry sticking her reft foot out to the light.

               Rod and Sascha likewise indicated their disdain for proceedings in their individual ways.

The Starters: JohnH, Ros, Hazel, Antje, Maria, Rod, Myriam, Ingrid, Janet, Terry and Yves. Canines: Sascha, Java and, concealed at the rear, Ember.

And Aristotle´s judgements:-

Alors, félicitations à toute la classe !Des progrès remarquables, considérant l’âge des participants…

Noter aussi l’art du photographe pour arranger un symétrie quasi-parfaite dans la composition de l’image.

Les puristes diront : ‘Quel Rubbish’ en inspectant la photo avec une loupe ; too bad !

Les points : 2 points pour chaque participant ; exception faite de Maria et Comfuschia pour usage illégal d’une chaise (even if only one buttock was perched on it) ; l’expression ‘zen’ démontrée ici valorise leur position Ying-Yang : points attribués !

Aussi, 1 point pour Sasha et son ‘Thilly Hat’… et 1 point pour le ‘steely stare’ from Old Steadfast.

Encore un petit effort : le perfection est à proximité !

A (Head of Lyceum)

The Track:

The Statistics: Total distance: 5.78 kms; Total time: 1 hour 49 minutes; Moving time: 1 hour 24 minutes; Average moving speed: 4.1 kph (not bad): Ascent: 258 metres.

Eventually, we got under way and moved along the Aguas Bélas track, discussing inter alia water filtration, solar pannelling and a contemporary American political comedian. For the second week in succession,  a local mutt attached itself to our party and, in a very friendly fashion  did the whole route with us. Things turned slightly serious when we veered of the valley floor and began a gentle but steady climb into the hills on our right. Half way up the hill, Yves kicked a bucket (yes, there was a hole in it) and Myriam put her foot in it.

The path emerged from the woods onto a familiar bit of ridge where we been the previous week. here we paused for refreshments –liquorice of course and other sweets.

It now seemed rather pointless to tackle the nearby highest hilltop only to have to retrace our steps immediately afterwards, just for the sake of the view, so instead we turned sharp right for home. Just as well, because Sascha,, after a long rabbit chase in the valleys below, was beginning to feel the heat.

                                                                      No green in the grass any more but Terry makes up for it.

A lttle bit later, we trod quietly and took other precautions as the track passed close by a row of beehives.

But maybe the precautions were not necessary becasue all seemed quiet. And we were back at the start promptly at 9 am. Under 6 kms, probably the shortest APAPS walk ever.

The intended arrangements for taking breakfast at Pára e Fica had fallen through because the good Ana, lacking any assistance, and responsible for cooking the Café´ s lunch on her own, had felt unable to cope with a breakfast for 12 or more people. So, as she sat there alone on her verandah, we headed off again round the back of Silves to Mira Rio. Last time we were there, they had been so prompt in serving that we felt lucky that we hadn´t been late. So this time, I had asked them to serve at 9 45 am. Communication failure, obviously, because sharp at 9. 30 am, 12 ample plates of food were on the table. Super efficiency. But some of us hadn´t yet had time to sit down. The walkers were joined by Paul, Chris and Andy.

                                                                      Janet prefers the healthy option

T-shirts with logos and messages seems to have been the theme of the day, make of them what you will.

                                                                                                 One mutt print

A mis-spelled item worn by Aristotle provoked some (a little) laughter, although one is not sure if Descartes would have joined in; “one philosopher´s wisdom is another philosopher´s folly” (after R W Emerson.)

                                                                                Eat your heart out René

Nevertheless, Paul felt inspired enough to air his unparalled knowledge of 16th-century Venetian artistic environment by reciting off the cuff a bit of doggerel:-

When Titian was grinding rose madder, his model was posed on a ladder,

Her position to Titian suggested coition

So he ascended the ladder and ´ad her.

to which the sequel is:-

So it´s said, but the true story´s sadder, he felt giddy when up on the ladder.

His model, fair Rose, frustratedly froze,

So Titian was mad – and Rose madder.

That will have to do for the closing quotation stuff. Competition result on the next page.

.

APAPS 2017 no.8: Mind The Gap

 

This opening picture has nothing whatsoever to do with our walk on Wednesday 16th August. It is a picture sent in by Antje from their moorage on Loch Aline, a stretch of water off the sheltered north-east coast of the Isle of Mull, where in the old days the MacDonalds, the Lords of the Isles, would keep their war-fleet. More peaceful nowadays, no doubt, as the Whittles enjoy a life of sybaritic luxury aboard their mega-yacht.And quite a contrast to the sun-parched Barrocal near Silves where we struggled this week.

When we gathered in Encherim just before 7 am, certain subversive greybeards opted out of the Starter shot saying that it was beneath their dignity to cock a leg in public, but one of them did at least condescend to take the picture. But whether it was from his bloody-mindedness or his incompetence, who is to say, but only half the picture came out. And that neatly gives us a excuse to announce this week´s competition; for details, see the end of this post, but do read the small print.

Actually, it´s rather like Strictly Come Dancing. One or two personalities contribute mightily to the initial sense of entertainment but as things go on they don´t quite cut the mustard when it comes to the final stages of the event and have to be voted out - John Sargent and Ed Balls come to mind - and it is then that the overall standard of the remaining participants noticeably improves. And so it was with us. No Paul, no Rod, and the result is an almost flawless display. (Tais -toi !, Aristotle, this is the second stage of the age of Confusion.)

A 7 am start had been planned but, with coffees and whatever at the Café Prata across the road, we finally moved off at 7.20 am. And then, after only 5 minutes, we had to pause while the leader pointed out where the canal running from east to west from the Barragem Arade (right to left in the picture) simply disappears for about 200 metres before resuming its flow in upper Encherim.

                                     The Gap (canal in yellow)

                                   The Gap, seen from the hill

           The buttresss to the west of the Gap where the canal re-emerges.


No aqueduct, no visible tunnel !? How does it work ?

This engineering conundrum was all so totally engrossing that Janet had to stop to apply her distinctive red knee reinforcement and then we moved on.

A little further along the way, we passed a Tilley Girls hopeful. Gloria, perhaps ?

At this stage a liitle dog joined us and proved impossible to shake off.

 e then tackled the formidable hill that Hazel had been itching to climb ever since this silly Summer season started.

 

After about 2 kms of this torture,  Paul wisely decided to retreat and he did a Grand Old Duke of York back to to bottom of the hill while the rest of us struggled on and up. In fact, although we didn´t know it at the time, he then did a round trip into Silves to suss out the location of Mediaeval Fair, clocking up, by the time he rejoined us, 9 kms all told, which was more than the rest of us did.
Meanwhile, up in the uplands, the morning breeze was invigorating, and we had the usual liquorice refreshment stop courtesy Myriam.

We passsed through what is by now pretty familiar territory, although it was noticeable how much land clearance had taken place, particularly under the electricity lines, as fire precautionary measures. And we went on upwards.

There was a goodly proportion of Tilley Hats in the contingent, with Myriam´s smart new edition meriting a special photo after we had accomplished the long descent from the summit. But there are still a few who have yet to buy into the Tilley Hat ethos. After this, when we turned for home along the low road of the valley floor, a minor mutiny occurred with two stragglers deciding to take the high road.

                                                      Mutineers on the ridge

                                   

                              The Loneliness of the Lost Leader

We then threaded our way along Lingerie Lane, so named after the discovery there in mid-2016 of a suspended cornflower blue lacy confection. Then and now.

 

Sic Transit Gloria, or Sick Transit of Venus

The remnants are still hanging there. As Rod shows, little of the original structure or colour now remains, the extremes of sun and rain having taken their toll, but the label is clearly determined that, if any one should reclaim the item, they will at least know how to launder it properly. Well done, H & M; as the words of the old song by Irving Berlin might have put it -

                    "The fabric is faded but the label it lingers on".

Click on
https://youtu.be/f8HfKYWZqUA
for a musical diversion.

Nearing home, we came across a fine example of ecologically sound recycling - two old refrigerators and an old bath tub filled to their brims with water.

Our two dogs, as well as a little local one who had joined in for most of the circuit, certainly appreciated the drink but we didn´t know exactly why they were there.. In conversation later with Sr. Zé Bento, the paterfamilias at Retiro dos Pescadores, Maria established that it is the local hunting association  (Associação dos Caçadores) that supplies the water, which is for the deer. Conservation rules, OK

Back to the starting point by 9.30 am, another close run thing with breakfast imminent; even so, some stragglers still straggled a bit, stopping to talk to a group of local worthies at the Encherim gardens.

Apparently, their conversation was something to do with the pros and cons of nude sun-bathing in one´s front garden in down-town Encherim. And, if I am right, the gentleman in dark blue is the same one who was the subject of a photo study by Yves last year which is well-worth recalling.

 

And now to the breakfast:-

 

 

At the Pescadores, we were grateful to the three volunteer kitchen staff who kept the food and the buttered toast coming. Terry´s breakfast looked and went down a treat, and most of us had no complaints, even if Hazel and Maria looked a bit more circumspect in their critical appraisals. 

 



 

Grapes and plums to round things off.

 

Conversation at the senior or window end of the table was decorous, of course, but I did hear that at the distaff end it was a touch more ribald. I would blush to put any of that stuff in the blog so I won´t touch on it.

 

Myriam warning her audience about the proclivities of the average Japanese male.

 

 

 And Myriam excelled with her catch-them-unawares photos.

 

 



The Track and the Statistics 

 

 

Distance: 7.96 kms. Total time: 2 hours 29 minutes. 

Moving Time: 2 hours 2 minutes.

Total ascents: 333 metres. Average moving speed: 3.9 kph.

 

And now to the small print of the competition. Read carefully. 

 

 

Give the names to the owners of each of the sets of legs appearing in the Starter shot, from right to left. The picture is repeated above. Points will be awarded for each correct individual identification and points will be deducted for each wrong or out-of-sequence identification. The number of points added or deducted is entirely at the discretion of the administrator -total randomness rules.

As identification alone is a pretty easy competition which makes it likely that there would be multiple winners, competitors are required to add a succinct comment to each of their individual identifications, with points being added for wit and erudition in such comments and points deducted for blatant lapses of good taste in such comments, again all awarded at the sole discretion of the administrator.

Answers are to be submitted by email only to the administrator at hopejh@sapo.pt.  The winner will be announced in the email giving details of the APAPS walk for 30th August. The prize will be non-alcoholic, and will be a free APAPS breakfast for one on Wednesday 30th August, the winner having the option of eating the breakfast him/herself or of nominating someone to consume it on his/her behalf.

Overseas entries are welcome. The administrator´s decisions and the admistrator´s interpretations of all or any of the above conditions, now or in the future, are and will be unchallengeable.

 

And now fr the obligatory quotation for the week:-

 

"Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit."  (Oscar Wilde)

 

(Hmm - discuss.)