APAPS 2017 no.5: Trespass or No Trespass - Mira Rio

This week´s Blog brings you all the excitement of a walk which hadn´t been recce´ed, the dire consequences thereof, a bollocking from our in-house choreographer, an addition to our list of satisfactory breakfast venues, an insight into the Tiller Girls leg-waving techniques, AND a prize competion set by the aforesaid choreographer. Now read on.

The still air and early morning sunlight enabled Yves and Antje to take some fine atmospheric pictures. Less than fine, however, was the Starting Formation Dance-cum-Leg Show which, quite frankly, was a shambles ( en Français, une pagaille).

Present: JohnH, Yves, Ros, Sascha, Hazel, Rose, Antje, then "mind the gap", then Ember, Myriam and Rod.

This is how our Choreographer rated us:

"En effet, c’est la pagaille !

This troupe is a disgrace and I shall have to put my foot down with a firm hand !

On the plus side, the instruction to execute a gentle ‘plié’ was more or less observed by some of our undisciplined disciples…

It is noted that the right-wing have gone for UDI and almost cracked a smile; as their feet are obscured by a hound, no marks will be awarded this time.

The happy others:

Antje: she talks like Marlene Dietrich and the hips are facing in the right direction: 2 points

Rose: she dances like Zizi Jeanmaire and we will ignore the ‘pointé’ added for effect to the ‘plié’: 1 point

Hazel: her clothes are all made by Balmain AND she raised her knee level with her waist: 2 points

Ros: there´s diamonds and pearls in her hair, yes there are: 2 points (one for the smile!)

Aristotle: what can a Master learn?

John: he knows the Aga Khan and tries hard, for a laugh, ha ha ha…: 1 point for effort, 1 point for enthusiasm, 1 point for the smile despite the impending heart attack (he must learn to run faster from the camera), -1 point for dangling too many bits, -1 point for the Trump fingers, -1 point for the limp wrist => Nul point! 

Now class: your homework.

 Identify the song, the singer, the year and name the lady it was dedicated to?

Arroz Total"

As one of the failures, I can but hold my hand up and admit that I couldn´t hold my foot up (laughing too much).

There will be a briefing at the end of this blog to remind us of the standards we are trying to achieve. And, once the blog is published, I am sure that we will learn what ´arris Turtle´s prize for the winner of his competition is. How exciting!

Anyway, we set off shortly after 7 am,  circling round the back of the Mira Rio establishment to remind Myriam of where she had gone astray last year. Then eastwards along the canal (pause to insert atmospheric shot)

until then we reached the bottom of the steep hill which Ingrid has  in the past advised us not to attempt to climb. As she was not with us this time , we felt justified in ignoring her counsel and, after a bit of a scramble through fencework, began the ascent. Initially the track was not at all clear and I began to have doubts until, about a third of the way up, we spotted an old blue mark which Myriam confirmed was a Maurice original. 

                                               A genuine Maurice blob

Thus reassured that we were following safely in historic footsteps, we continued to the top, enjoying good views back over the Odelouca River valley as we went.

Perhaps I had become a bit over-confident by now, but here I decided to depart from the planned, well-known route and to follow a Road Less Travelled, in other words to go into unrecce´ed territory. Not even our trusty local guide (Rod ) knew the area we were venturing into.

At first, everything seemed OK if a bit grotty. Some deserted outhouses, collections of unkempt equipment, some tracks here and there, the only sign of life being a very young, untethered and unafraid foal which seemed to want to join us.

It certainly kept following me and I had to escape from its attentions by climbing over a wall.

                                                    "Exit pursued by a bear" (Shakespeare)

But in scrambling over that wall and then over several more, I lost my sense of direction and somehow or other we found ourselves deep in someone´s horta. A lot of rustic grumbling was heard nearby and then that someone emerged from among his rows of beans to accuse us of trespassing. Rod calmed him down with suitable apologies and a request to be shown a way through the property, to which the gruff answer came that there wasn´t one.
Luckily for us, Myriam then switched on the charm, saying that, if he wanted, he could have the free labour of 8 hard-working volunteers for the morning.
At this offer/threat, he relented and led us some distance to the front of his property and, unlocking a steel gate worthy of Fort Knox, ushered us out onto the Road More Travelled. We now knew where we were.

                                 All´s Well That Ends Well

However, we soon took another chance, going speculatively off cross-country again but this time we managed to reach the large old farmhouse and some real tracks without further alarm, and then made our way, past a solitary English squatter and his dog, down to the Clube Nautico, deserted as always but well-furnished with chairs and tables, where it is always a pleasure to read the blackboards with the latest quotations from Aristotle (the real one), Einstein or the Dalai Lama. 

Then it was simply a matter of a brisk walk back along the canal to get to Mira Rio in time for breakfast which had been arranged for 9.30 am, where Paul and Chris joined us. The meal was served very promptly and efficiently and, I think, met with general approval;  certainly, the price was most competitive.

                               Mini-somethings, courtesy of Myriam

In an exchange of emails leading up to the walk, Paul had sort of indicated that he intended to lead a discussion over  breakfast on the subject of latter-day Erastianism (Google it), which Aristotle and I were quite looking forward to. To our despair, this didn´t happen because there was all the usual trivial business of people fiddling about with their smart phones and stuff about Tilley and other Silly Hats, even Ros put one on:-

                                     a despairing philosopher

Hazel and Rod were wearing His n´Hers T-shirts, which provided a photo opportunity exhilarating enough to cause Rod to fall off his chair mid-shoot.

The Track and Statistics:

Distance : 6.72 kms
Moving Time: about 1 hour 35 mins
Ascent: 182 metres

My thanks to Antje, Myriam and Yves for the photos. And now for a few words about what we should be aiming at in our leg-waving Starter photos. Recently there have been remarks about the Tilley Girls, but that´s a pipe dream of Paul´s, and other references to various dance troupes, but we are not trying to emulate the Folies Bergère, nor Le Moulin Rouge where they do the Can-Can, nor the Bluebell Girls who are probably all over 6 feet tall in their high heels and do it bare-breasted, nor the Windmill Girls who were allowed by the Lord Chancellor to do it in the nude provided they stood perfectly still, nor even the Bolshoi Ballet who can no doubt understand all that continental jargon about pliés and pointés. Not that there´s anything wrong with having a foreign coach, mark you; the British and Irish Lions did quite well with one; Scotland did too recently, and Manchester United excelled with one (Ferguson). And our M.le Chorégraphe understands our psyche pretty well.
But it is the style of the Tiller Girls that we are trying to emulate in those fleeting seconds as the camera flashes, canine and other distractions or not.

Founded in1894, they were models of rectitude,timing and mutual support; that´s what we should be aiming at. Definitely, we have more work to do.
To see how the Tiller Girls could maintain their synchronised perfection, just watch this video to see how they kept it all together despite the attempted distractions of an interloper:-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pox7tHWRsRg

Finally, don´t forget to send you answers to Arroz Total´s quiz to Yves at  
yvesferrer@sapo.pt


In olden days, a glimpse of stocking 
Was looked on as something shocking,
But now, Heaven knows,
Anything goes.         (Cole Porter)

APAPS 2017 no.4: A Brisk Walk at Águas Belas

It can´t be claimed that this event had everything that one could wish for, but it certainly did provide enough variety to satisfy all but the most jaded appetite: a cooling morning breeze, a hint of danger, lucky liquorice charms, a hill or three, a language lesson, disappearing dogs, a vintage car parade, the usual ample breakfast, a demonstration of anti-arthritis manipulation techniques, and to cap it all, so to speak,  A MALE MODEL !
Now read on.

We started with the usual Tiller Girls leg show which, despite the absence of our in-house choreographer, was remarkably well co-ordinated and efficiently performed.

Present: Sascha, Antje, Myriam, Hazel, Rose, Maria, Ros, Rod, Janet, Ember, and JohnH.

Clearly, Aristotle´s training sessions, infused as they are with a certain Gallic je-ne-sais-quoi, are proving their worth, and the troupe are obviously trying hard. Aristotle in absentia has sent in the following player ratings, (by the way, Rose, I do but quote):

"Indeed, they are very trying… 

The scores : 

Antje : +1 for that smile again but then dropping one for the hooked foot… dommage! Nul points;

Myriam: -2 trying that little bit too hard with the show of calf AND attempting to hide the stick!

Hazel: +2 great display of teeth and legs! Good pointé!

Rose: -1 That pose did not come from River Dance, to be sure!

Maria: +1 the lamentable apology for jeans has gone but resting on TWO sticks cost points!

Ros: +1 for effort! Not a bad attempt for someone fresh out of clogs…

Rod: -2 a perfunctory lift of one knee and the jury is divided: was he dressed as a Swan Vesta or as an Aussie Life-Guard?

Janet: flashing the pink and attempting to kick a defenceless dog: -2 and a yellow card!

John: +1 good recovery of balance after the sprint from the camera! Bonus point for the demi-jeté (not easy at his age…)  (I beg your pardon !!!!. Ed.) 

Aristotle"

 

Well, whatever other qualities that Gallic je-ne-sais-quoi does have, it is not exactly overflowing with verbal charm, is it? 

 

Anyway, to the chase. Promptly at 7 am, we set off taking the back road up and away from the usual Águas Belas track. After 10 minutes or so, we had to tread carefully and quietly to make our way past a stretch of bee-hives where your scribe had himself been stung on an AWW walk back in November 2015. Now, whether it is the case that the bee population here has diminished since then, or simply that bees are not that aggressive at 10 past 7 in the morning, or that the leader had disguised himself under a white towel, I know not, but we all got safely past.

We now moved on up into the highlands. It was here that Myriam distributed her lucky liquorice pieces. She claimed to have won first prize by drawing one shaped like a boot: others tried to deflate her by saying that it was a sheep upside down. What do you think?

                                                                             The Order of the Boot...... ?

                                                       or a Black Sheep ?

But despite that refreshment, one or two hills later (I myself thought that they were actually quite gentle), the complaints about the climbing being too much began. The expression "fartura" ("that´s plenty" or "enough is enough") was heard, so we paused for a few minutes to consider the etymology of the root word "fartar", not shying away from delving into its various gastric connotations. Myriam was heard to say she was fragrant in that respect, whereas Rose was pretty blunt - "better out than in," quoth she. With lots more such colourful linguistic diversion, the offending hills were soon forgotten and, indeed, the worst was now over, as we now gradually descended towards the valley floor. Here it was that the two dogs, Sascha and Ember, went go walk-about so that we had another welcome 5 minute pause - their owners meanwhile shouting and whistling in vain -  until they condescended to rejoin
the party.

Then it was simply  a matter of going along the flat of the Águas Belas valley track back to the start, reaching Café Terinho at about 9.15 am.Just then, as we were about to sit down for breakfast, a frisson of excitement ran through us when an antique military vehicle hove into view, piloted by Paul and Chris.

The restored VW was much admired: it would have been more dramatic if the occupants had dressed the part - jackboots, monocles, big cigars, etc. On second thoughts however, given the scrutiny the jeep received from a passing GNR patrol, perhaps wiser to remain incognito - the authorities are after all still searching for those missing armaments.

Our hostess Ana then appeared, having gone to fetch the pão caseiro especially from Messines, and the anticipated breakfasts soon arrived. Some eschewed the bacon:

 which meant all the more for others.

The meal was not quite its usual standard because there was no butter for my bread (bring back the Kerrygold) but, on the other hand, the price was lower than last time.

At the north end of the table, Rod and Paul engaged in the traditional past-time of comparing smartphones, while at the south end, Myriam and Maria engaged in some curious contortions.

 

Proceedings closed at about 11.30 am, which indicates that roughly 2 1/4 hours were spent on the walk and 2 1/4 hours were taken up with the meal - which seems a reasonable balance between exertion and repose.

To conclude:
The Track and The Statistics

Distance: 7.35 kms. Total time: 2 hrs 10 minutes.
Moving time: 1 hr 40 minutes. Average moving speed 4.3 kph
Ascent: 329 metres.


Oh, and I nearly forgot - I did promise you a Male Model. It is none other than Rod, who seemed quite taken with the very latest Tilley, with its  state-of-the-art webbing and its concealed air vents.

Has he at last been converted to the cause?


Paul likes a closing quotation or two, so....

"Hats divide generally into three classes; offensive hats, defensive hats, and shrapnel." 
                                                        (Katherine Whitehorn - British journalist)

The King said,
"Bother!"
And then he said,
"Oh, deary me!"
The King sobbed, "Oh, deary me!"
And went back to bed.
"Nobody,"
He whimpered,
"Could call me
A fussy man;
I only want
A little bit
Of butter for
My bread!"                                                 (From "The King´s Breakfast" by A. A. Milne)

 

 

APAPS 2017 no.3: Café Elias Stroll

Luckily, there was a reasonably steady breeze throughout the morning to keep us cool, because the ambient temperature and the humidity were both high and rising. Ten of us were all ready for the off sharp at 7 am, but then we got delayed when an ancient Peugeot staggered down the lane powered only by 1 human pusher  and passed out just beside the café. Rod went off to fetch some jump leads. However, a black hearse arrived and a friend of the unfortunate driver also produced some leads. These didn´t seem to have much effect, so we left them to administer the last rites to the vehicle and returned to the business at hand.

 

This was the statutory starter picture dance routine, choreographed as always by Yves aka Aristotle. Most performed to a reasonable standard, with the exception of Myriam who preferred to keep both feet pragmatically on the ground. Clearly, there remains more work to be done.

Present: JohnH, Rod, Myriam, Rose, Antje with Sascha, Hazel, Maria, Janet, TerryA, Yves. also Mistie and Java.

Statistics:
Distance: 7.92 kms. Time: 2 hrs 13 mins. Ascent: 317 m. Average speed: a very modest 3.6 kph.

Now, I know that I had advertised this as being a stroll, but I hadn´t expected to be taken quite so literally. Apart for a couple of minutes when Rose succumbed to her natural inclination to shoot off into the lead, she and everybody else restrained themselves, so much so that I found myself far ahead of the pack on numerous occasions. Two or three times, I was even reprimanded by Antje and Hazel for speeding!

The upshot of all this was that I had little chance to overhear any of those revealing little conversations which normally afford a rich source of material for the blogger, or to take actionable photographs. We did have one pause while Aristotle went into engineering mode and spent a considerable (some might even say excessive) length of time examining Antje´s tubes and curing her water works:

There was another pause where Myriam passed around some welcome liquorice refreshment. But, apart from that, blog pickings were slim. Even towards the end, when I thought that Yves and Terry had finally decided to  up the pace, I discoverd that this temporary burst of acceleration of theirs was occasioned by nothing more than a wish to get to the bus-stop in good time to catch the next bus for Pedreira and so to get into breakfast first.

Breakfast was, of course, excellent; Senhora Fernanda doing us proud, as ever. Rose had brought the real Kerrygold butter, Myriam provided mini-Toms, Maria helped serve as always, and Janet and Hazel had proper English breakfast tea. Chris and Paul joined us for the meal, I presume to ensure that standards are being maintained.

 

 

and there was the usual post-prandial smartphone technical and training session:

Various early leavers left cash with me for their breakfasts. You guys know who you are and know how much you left - I can´t remember. The cost of the meal came to a bargain Euros 6 per head so, by all means, please do claim your refunds from me next time. As the Mafia might say, you know where I live!

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

APAPS 2017 no 2: A Stroll Down Memory Lane

It was a cool, slightly overcast, morning as the group gathered by the Encherim Sports Ground just before 7 am. Aristotle, enthusiastically entering into his new rôle as choreographer-in-chief, lined us up for a training session to make sure our legs were in good working order and properly synchronised for the Starters photo.

Whoops - wrong picture - try again.

That´s better. Well, not too bad for a first attempt this season, but first and fourth from the left definitely need to raise their game/right feet some more.
Present: JohnH, Ros, Hazel, Ingrid, Antje, Janet, and Aristotle.
                And Sascha.

The Track:

Statistics:
Distance : 8.71 kms
Ascent: 331 metres
Total time: 2 hours 10 mins.
Moving speed: 3.95 kph

Then we were off on a fairly gentle and familiar path. We made a steady ascent along one of the Algarve Way´s tracks, pausing on an upper level to allow Sascha to show how well-trained she is.

 Then a little bit more climbing followed but nothing too excessive.

Then another pause for fashion photography, which seems to be almost obligatory these days, given that the men are always outnumbered.

And then gently downhill, apart from one slow, scrambly, precipitous  bit.

And then back along Memory Lane. Why Memory Lane, you ask. Well, a year or so ago, the APAPS, passing by, had noticed a dainty pair of ladies knickers hanging on a bush. And there this year, at the very same spot, the same abandoned article of lingerie was still to be seen. The original cornflower blue is by now somewhat faded, as can be seen from the comparative photos below. (By the way, as required by our guru PaulaDev, we have to take our walks photography and the archiving thereof very seriously.) But the material seems to be holding its pattern and shape pretty well, and the elastic (the elasticity of the elastic being all-important, so I am informed by connoisseurs in this particular field, where ladies knickers are concerned) the elastic, as I was saying, looks as strong as ever. Indeed, given the garment´s obvious quality (Marks and Spencers, perhaps?), one wonders afresh why the original occupant of said knickers has never returned to reclaim them. What untapped potential for memories lies there.

                                                                                    Fading away 2017

                                                                                    From the 2016 archive

Ros was heard to remark that, her preference being to gaze at the hills and the trees rather than at fly-tips, she had never seen items of abandoned underwear on a walk before, but Antje assured her that she and Myriam had frequently come across such phenomena.

The walk concluded in nearly the allotted time, we then adjourned to O Retiro dos Pescadores for a friendly welcome by Senhora Fernanda, and where we were joined by Chris and where the absent Maria had pre-arranged a filling breakfast for us of bacon, eggs, tomatoes and buttered toast.

 There was a fair amount of discussion over the meal about butter, tea bags and about how to fry eggs. But our thanks to Ingrid and Hazel who chipped in to help with the serving, etc. Next week, bring back the Kerrygold!